I LOVE camping in all forms available! With this particular trip, there was hiking, sledding (painful and cold...note to self, invest in snowpants...you live in FREAKING UTAH, you should know better than that! Tsk tsk), delicious holy (yes, I said holy) hot chocolate, hilarious games, and guitar playing! What made it even better was the company I was with. I love spending time with my ward. They are like my second family, completely loving and genuinely good people. They are inclusive and make me feel less like an outsider, which is nice. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like an outsider most of the time. It rarely happens...but when it does, it hits like a brick. It's just those little things that act as triggers, those little things that make you realize there's something a little bit off about how you conduct yourself. But you know what? I LOVE the way I conduct myself because I know I do the best that I can. It took me a long time and a lot of pain and tears to finally get to that point where I was comfortable enough with myself to look in the mirror and say that I was proud of what I do and who I am. It wasn't always like that, as I am sure it isn't always like that with everyone. Everyone has insecurities, and you'd be a liar if you said you didn't. I feel like it takes a real man (or woman, take your pick of the terminology here) to admit that you are hard-wired to have flaws, but you LOVE THEM ANYWAY. Without them, would you really be you? Do you really want to be the "cookie cutter" that society expects? Maybe this is just me, and I'm not saying I don't dig conformity. I definitely see positives to conformity and having that sense of belonging and love, but where would the diversity, the differences, the interesting nuggets of life that make life interesting be if conformity was all we had? Just food for thought.
My aunt said something interesting to me a while ago, and it stuck with me ever since. I am a natural caregiver, and I take great pride in that fact. She asked, "You spend so much of your time taking care of others, but who do you let take care of you?" My reply to that is, taking care of people IS taking care of me. It is who I am, and that's where my comfort zone lies. I'm not here to say I am a saint, but it is just a fact about what makes me who I am. If I go a day without thinking or knowing I did something good for somebody else, I feel like an absolute monster. I kid you not, and it is the worst feeling in the world. My mother said I was born thirty years old and I keep aging. Between my mother and I, it is safe to say I am the adult lol. I love my mother so much, but I do tend to take the adult role in things an awful lot just...I guess that's another quirk of mine!! (I'm noticing I use a lot of the verb "to be"; sorry about that, I don't feel like writing with an exciting or expansive vocabulary today :))
I really do love my life, especially when it comes to my family. Last night was my dear cousin's fourteenth birthday party. I don't remember much from day to day, but I remember watching her grow up and all I have come to me is pride. I have a fairly large family - my mother and father both had five siblings each, leading to lots of cousins. I don't really know most of my dad's side of the family, and I regret not reaching out more. I started to within the last year, and it's been fun! Most of my cousins are a lot older than me on my dad's side, but on my mom's side, I am the oldest out of all the cousins. Most of them are under the age of eight. But THEY ARE FRIGGIN CUTE! Aaron and Emma, my Aunt Julie's kids, are the cutest. Just the simple joy of playing with birthday balloons made me smile in an unrestrained sort of way. I could watch and play with them for hours! I love all my family so much; they are number one in my priority. It's interesting though, I never drew a line in my head between family and friends...they all kind of fall into the category of family for the most part. But I love having a big family :) It further defines who I am!
OH! Funny tangent to end this blog post. So last night my dear roommate Kelsie and I had some unexpected visitors. They were a couple of boys from the University of Utah, who were trying to find a girl they met probably once. They ended up hanging out in our place for about an hour, and I couldn't tell you how funny Kelsie and I found it! They left a number and meandered on out around midnight. LOL It also was funny how earlier that day I had a fortune cookie that said, "A very attractive person has a message for you." Could this be true??? :) hehehe Oh Fate, you're a hoot!
I would love to hear about your guys' individuality and what defines you! Please leave a comment and tell me all about it!!
Have a great day!
-Bug
Five Positive Things For the Day
1. Even though I'm sick, I could be a lot sicker!
2. I gained a lot of fun memories from the last two days involving camping, hanging with good friends, making new friends, and seeing my family
3. Getting my homework done...kind of
4. Making new goals for myself to continue training for my 10K
5. I'm ALIVE!
No comments:
Post a Comment